Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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