Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
