Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
