i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
