Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
