i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
