i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
