We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
