I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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