I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
