I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
