3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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