I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
