She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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