im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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