Duck Duck Cougar?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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