your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
