I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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