jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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