There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Vodka?
Forever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
