We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
