Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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