the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
