haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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