Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
