I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
