I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
