Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i've created a new STD.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
