a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
