he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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