I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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