I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
