I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
