when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
