I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
