Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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