Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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