im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
