Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
