I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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