I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
