Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
