Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
