I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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