he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
