What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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