you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
