best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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