im drinking this country out of the recession.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The air was thick with penises
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
