I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
