and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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