so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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