i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
