1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
