Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I had to cum in my sink.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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