Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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